If you missed the Wayward Coffeehouse reading where you heard Kij’s story about cute little girls cutting up unicorns, Tim’s story about a really, really, mad scientist, or (previously at Flying Saucer Pizza) Elizabeth’s story of love and tragedy on an archeology dig, pop into Redmond’s Flying Saucer Pizza for a pizza and a beer and you could hear those stories or something completely different.

I’m hazy as to what happened next.  Somehow all the archeological science fiction books (Ruins Terra, Ruins Metropolis, and Ruins Extraterrestrial) were stacked like towers of babel, and pens were involved.  Authors Camile Alexa and Elizabeth Kate Switaj were there too (they weren’t innocent either).  Then I remember coming to consciousness, lying face-down across a pile of books, a copy of Ruins Terra poking me in the cheek.

We shook ourselves out of the daze and examined the books.  All of them!  All of the books in the Ruins * series were maligned by the signatures of Camile, Elizabeth, and I.  An utter disaster!  Vladimer, a good friend of mine who works at Third Place Books, was sobbing, “what am I to do with all these autographed books!”

The three of us slinked out the back door.  I blame it on the bookstore.  I mean they gave a group of writers pens and coffee.  So we wrote.  What were they thinking!

So if you’ve been putting off buying a book.  You can get them postage free (though defaced with author autographs) at Third Place Books.  Help Vladimir out.  He’s trying to concoct a solution that will erase the ink.

Coming to you the third Saturday of each month, are science fiction and fantasy readings from 8-10PM.  For this month, on May 16th, 8-10 PM, I and Kij Johnson, and Tim McDaniel will be there to entertain and amaze you with some pretty out-there science fiction and fantasy stories.

Oh yeah, I DARE anyone to show up as a steampunk Quaker.  That would be too cool to not photograph and blog about.

Together, we are going to read, entertain, and, get this: We’re going to give away FREE books and scifi/fantasy stuff at each event:

Lake Forest Park’s Third Place Books (6:30 May 1st):

Redmond’s Flying Saucer Pizza (noon on May 2nd):

LancerKind on YouTube

That was from when I fought the moss, but then it reached out–I mean really, it reached out–it taught me a lesson.

Learn how this could happen at a reading this Saturday at 7PM, March 28th, at 8862 161st Ave NE, Redmond. The reading is part of Redmond Association of SPokenword (RASP).

Show up and through the magic of the English language, I’ll work you in as the main character of “Moss Memoirs,” a story published in the Ruins Terra anthology. Another option is to pick up the book so you can enjoy the story without my annoying, buzzy voice, and also read other great authors selected by the editor, Eric T. Reynolds, in his archeological themed anthology about Ruins on Earth, authors such as Ann Walters and her “Rising Tide”, Ivan Sun and his “After the Stonehenge Bombing”, and Jaqueline Seewald and her “The Boy Who Found Atlantis.”

And those are just the start…

Being a SF fan and kid writer (I started a newspaper in my school and got my mom to do all the typing… she’s pretty cool eh?) I was a gadget guy, and I talked my dad into buying a video camera (VHS) with a flying erase head (that means I could pause while recording, and then restart the recording without noticeable jerks and jolts).  I used that camera for shooting things like time lapsed storm clouds, my brother and I acting out videos, computer generated effects (yay Amiga!) and various other projects that you see on a regular basis on YouTube.

Amiga 500

But without YouTube, my celebrity didn’t reach beyond my immediate family or high school.  If I had YouTube, I could have expanded my reach to boring many more people in America!  I could have been a child star!  I could of…

Anyway, having YouTube now is better late than never.  Now I have a my own YouTube channel, I have meetings with myself pretending I’m part of a board of pretentious asshole studio heads (just like on Max Headroom) and make decisions about what YOU should be watching.

Yeah, like anyone really knows what people want to watch.

Who would have thought that the Numa Numa guy would be an Internet sensation! 

He has a million views which is about 999,999 more people watching his stuff than mine.  He even has spawned derivative videos like Puss in boots, or Vader.  Of course, just like on TV, Numa Numa with a sexy girl gets way more hits.  Even if this one is nearly a Rick Roll.  (Follow this if you don’t know what a Rick Roll is.)

So now I have global reach with my channel.  I’ve had nearly 200 visitors view Debunking the Moss Myth which is a teaser about a short story called “Moss Memoirs” that is part of the Ruins Terra anthology.

Moss that is in a hanging mood

Not only are most of the people not part of my family, they are from Australia, Japan, China, and Canada.  So I’m excited about YouTube.  It’s like anyone out there can have an idea and just get it out there, and not have to bother visiting a boardroom of pretentious studio execs who pretend to know what America wants to watch, which I think is pretty cool! (I’m still angry they canceled Moon Lighting, Star Trek, and Fire Fly.)

Why should NBC have all the fun in figuring out how we should waste our time.  We all want that opportunity.

Though it’s really interesting that just like NBC, so it goes with YouTube: the sexy girl always gets the hits,  Though all is not lost.  Because a sexy girl can be trumped by a water buffalo (warning: you need to watch the whole thing all the way through because the ending is unexpected), or a college student being smacked down by the cops (warning: you may learn that despite what your mother told you, life isn’t fair and neither is our government).

Not that I have anything against sexy girls; I like to look at them as much as the next guy.  But it’s nice to know that people are complicated enough to want to know what happens to a little water buffalo.

Click photo to see sexy girl showering.

Video of Lala in the shower

As if that wasn’t enough, I consulted with a fellow fictionist, Larry Hodges, and he suggested that not only could we room together, we could be Rising Stars together.

My resistance evaporated.

Mr. Hodges with his impressive array of magazine publications

Lancer scolding Mr. Hodges

The convention was great!  I used to live north of Denver and in the nine years that I’ve been away, things have gotten weird over there.  As you leave the airport, you see a giant statue of a white horse rearing up, its eyes glowing red.  And I mean really red! Apparently, not only have the Denver Broncos got new uniforms, they’ve have gone goth!

Then there is the mystery of the giant blue bear outside of the Colorado Convention Center.  Most bears (like the Coca-Cola bears, or even the Chicago ones) are nice and lovable icons rather than the communist meat eaters as they are portrayed on the Colbert Report.  But look at this thing!  For what other reason would a four story giant blue bear be reared up on its hind legs and peering into the convention center, other than its going to bust in and eat science fiction fans like they were yummy snasages?